It can be so tempting to focus on doing things perfectly. Most people want to do things well, and many of us take that even further by wanting to do things without error. Perhaps you have that voice that convinces you to start something tomorrow and do it “right” this time! Or you accomplish something great but don’t feel completely satisfied because it wasn’t perfect. Whether implementing a revamped time management system, making a resolution to communicate more clearly, or committing to a structured wellness regimen, many people fall into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking.
To be fair, some things are justifiably suited to fall into these categories – for example, I do zero illegal drugs and I am delighted with my decision. Before you read on, realize that I will make generalizations and that there are and, always will be, exceptions.
Many of my clients struggle with accomplishing their goals simply because they put too much pressure on themselves and have a narrow definition of success. With the expectation of perfection, they constantly set themselves up for failure. When the only acceptable path to success is extremely narrow, you greatly decrease the chances of reaching your destination. If there is only ONE way to win, you are more likely to lose or simply give up trying altogether.
If you find yourself in this predicament, a good place to start is to reexamine the goal itself. Is it something you legitimately want to accomplish or merely what you think you should be doing? In some cases, the reason people don’t succeed is because they are aiming at the wrong target. Take some time to be brutally honest with yourself about what you are trying to achieve. Some goals simply crumble under this level of scrutiny. If you are genuine in your desire to reach a particular objective but struggle with the “how”, then it may be time to rethink your approach.
A good first step is to set the bar low. You can read about this concept in greater detail from Tim Ferriss or James Clear, but the general idea is to give yourself opportunities to succeed by defining success in highly attainable terms. For example, if you want to make a big change, start by making small changes and count them as successes. If you are feeling stuck, set your goals ridiculously low. It’s amazing how this technique helps generate momentum which inevitably leads to the motivation to keep going and to keep raising the bar. Let’s say you want to have more time for creative thinking. Start with one minute of doodling. Or an untimed daily free association starting with a random thing you see in your environment. Once you start racking up victories with your small goals it will be significantly easier to capitalize on your momentum and add on.
Another technique is to have a broader definition of success to have some buffer for the inevitability of “life getting in the way”. The ability to redefine success mid-stream is like a superpower for major long-term goals. Let’s say you’ve succeeded in building up to a two-hour time block for your creative thinking or strategic planning and then you get a call from school saying your child is sick and needs to be picked up immediately. You could either call the entire day a failure, lose momentum, and take the first step to giving up completely; or you could shift gears and realize that you could record a voice memo while en route to the school with some of the ideas you intended to work on during your time block. The point is to be flexible and cultivate the ability to redefine success when necessary.
I can almost read the minds of perfectionists who think this is a fancy way to make excuses and let themselves off the hook. To them, I will query, “How’s that way of thinking working for you?”. If internally berating yourself or carrying around a constant sense of failure is helping you, then by all means, keep doing it. However, if you are tired of beating yourself up and are looking for a different approach, consider loosening the reins a little and giving yourself more opportunities to succeed.
And lest you still think it’s just a modern way to make excuses, let’s be clear that I am not advocating for “it’s ok, just do it tomorrow” when you are having a tough day or when you encounter some friction. On the contrary, I encourage you to realize there’s something in between All-or-Nothing, and that is Something. If you can’t do it all, then at least do something. Consider that ‘something’ a victory and stay on the horse instead of jumping off completely and giving up because it wasn’t perfect.
The most effective leaders are adaptable. When you start to encounter the voice in your head that tells you it’s a failure to do less than you planned, consider whether you would say those words out loud to someone in your charge, or whether you would want your boss to say them to you. Leadership requires flexibility and consistency, not perfection.
Book a complimentary consultation with Luminology to learn more about becoming a better leader.
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